Iphone 12 vs. Iphone 13

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Well, Apple has really outdone themselves this time with their revolutionary new iphone: the iphone 13 pro max. The drastic differences in the new iphone is truly an outstanding achievement for the company. Steve Jobs would definitely be proud.




When comparing the new model to the old model, you automatically know that you absolutely must now trash your older phone and spend an unnecessary amount of money and wait for a ridiculously long time in extremely exhausting lines just to get this latest model of the iphone lineage. 

So what are you paying up to $1600 for with the newest upgrade? Well, we are excited to tell you. So let's go over all the highly anticipated changes that make it well worth all the time you spent working at BurgerQueen all summer to buy. 


1. It's all about the Lenses 




The iphone 13 pro plus max space gray elite edition, celebrity approved, mini pocket computer device has all new lenses. Yes, you still get 3 lenses, 12 megapixels a piece, but this time, you can now get Sierra Blue lenses which means instead looking down the barrel of a space gray colored lens, now you can see blue, just like looking in someone's eyes. Apple is all about giving you different color options to truly bring back that human experience. 


2. Display that Body, baby! 




via GIPHY


Yes, the design, style and body are nearly identical but the 13+ is a tad bit heavier so it feels like you really got something special in your hands.

The extra weight gives you a sense of holding something with authority between your fingers which studies have shown to really improve the mental health of the snowflake generation. It's a device that really makes people feel empowered and that is important to apple. 


3. The Most Important Upgrade of ALL




2.5 HOURS MORE ON THE TOILET 

Apple knows that because every bathroom stall and even the ones in our home might not necessarily have a reachable wall charger which severely limits the amount of time that we can spend on the shitter with our phone. 

The biggest problem with iphones weren't that they were not big enough or that they needed 5 more cameras, but that often they would die before our legs would get numb and go to sleep. This is absolutely unacceptable coming from a company like Apple. 

But now iphones can last up 2.5 hours longer, which means we can almost watch one Lord of the Rings movie while taking a massive shit. This upgrade is the upgrade to rule them all. 

Of course, this will only be true for the first few months as the battery will surely return back to its original life. But, hey, any small victory, is still victory. 



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Top 16 Things That Make Us Karens

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Twitter was trending today with the hashtag of #makesmealittlebitkaren.

The Karen personality type is one that seemingly will go from 0 - 100 over the most unimportant things, and when we mean 100, we mean call SWAT TEAM 666 to come an unleash hell on the world because they are just in that bad of a mood today.

Oh, there are people having fun in a park? I gotta summon the entire US military to reign hellfire down on these people. How dare they have fun in my presence?! 

Here is the top 16 Tweets of People saying what makes them a little Karen-ish.


1. Drunk Drivers

People who drink and drive need to learn how to use an Uber. 





2. Bird Walkers 

When I agreed to listen to your story, I did not know you were gonna inject 4000 side stories into your main story. 




3. False Advertising

All food photography is fake, but c'mon. 



4. People Who Have an Entourage

Why do some people need 3-8 people to escort them wherever they go? 




5. Poo-poo-luters 

I want to throw poo everytime I step in it.




6. I'll Do It Later (it's been 3 weeks)

Do the Damn Dishes, Please!




7. Morning People 
Do not fuck with me until I have had some coffee. 




8. "Should of" People

It's "Should've" not... NVM!



9. Cancelers 

It is time to Cancel Cancel Culture
 




10. Karen Normalizers (like us) 
This twitterer was just not having this whole hashtag at all. 



11. Litter Bugs
Pick up your damn Trash, Man!  





12. Indoor Shoe Wearers 
Did you just put your shoes on my bed?  




13. Janitor Disrespectors
And these are the people who also litter




14. Check Writers 
Give it up. Checks are relics of the past




15. Kitchen Cats
And their hair is all over the kitchen 




16. Fauci Fans
Need we say more?




And we added our own

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Can We Be More Like Walter Cronkite?

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Walter Cronkite did not sensationalize;
he did not editorialize;
nope, he didn't even try to excite you.

He just told you whatever it was that was happening.

He didn't care how you felt about it or what side of the story you were on. He didn't even care if you knew how he really felt about the news he was giving you.

He just told you what he knew to be true no matter how dry he sounded.

via GIPHY



This was a completely different model of news delivery than what we get today, which is more theatrics than anything.

Today's media is trying to convince you, 
is trying to attack their opponents, 
and most importantly trying to keep you entertained 

so you don't turn the channel, don't click off the page or turn off the video. 



However, the more insidious part of it all, the news and media today are trying to trigger you.

They know the more they can pull you by your heart strings, the more you will keep watching and the more advertising dollars these sons of bitches get to keep. 

Sure, we all want to make money off our news content; and sure, most of us, these days, add our own tone and opinion when telling people the news, but the problem isn't necessarily news for profit, entertainment or emotional appeal. 

via GIPHY


No, the problem with news and media is our refusal to admit as news givers and news receivers that we are insanely cognitively biased.

We seem to only care about the news that supports what we already want to be true and we will tear anyone down who even slightly disagrees. 

Not only do we tear people down, we will cancel them, ignore family and friends, block facebook friends and completely pretend like someone doesn't exist just because they believe in something opposite to what we believe. 

We have become pestilent children, the generation that never grew up but who had to eventually become adults.

via GIPHY

We have become the Joffrey Generation, a generation that was thrusted into power and responsibility before we even knew how to manage our own psychological issues, issues that were caused by broken promises, unrealistic expectations and shattered dreams. 

This generation thought we were going to be some technocratic hippies going to live fanciful lives, fall in love like the movies and be loved by everyone.

However, the reality is that there are losers to every game, loneliness is more commonplace than not, and everyone just seems to hate everyone else.

So, of course, no one is delivering news without sensationalism, a call to action (or to be triggered), without theatrics and dramatics, and without getting political. 

But, trying to build a system where everybody is a winner and where there are no losers, is like trying to burn weed without producing any ashes. The smoke won and the ashes lost; that's just how it is.



Trying to eat the ashes is not making this world better, just like reporting the news in a sensationalist way isn't make this world any better.

When you eat ash, it's not helping anyone. Sure, you will get your attention that converts into cash, but all that you have done is become the very thing you hate. 

An ash producing, asshole.     


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New School Clothes Woes

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So, let's talk about new school clothes and giving your parents a financial aneurysm every school year, and sometimes every semester or in worst case scenario, every 6 weeks. 

I don't know what it is about high school kids and needing something new to wear to school seemingly every other week.

It was true for me and my high school chums when we were in high school back in the 90's and it looks like it is still true for kids in the 2020's, as it was probably true for every decade of high school children. 

High School kids act like they don't go to school to learn, but to put on a goddamn fashion show for all their friends.

They act like all hell will break loose if they even dare to wear the same outfit more than once in a semester. And, the biggest sin of all is to wear something you had in the 9th grade in the 10th grade or any other grade for that matter. 

Now, obviously if your parents are locked and loaded with money coming out of their asses with every fart of caviar and lobster rolls, then it would be fairly breezy for them to provide their children with endless amounts of new outfits for their children to razzle and dazzle their peers with.  

However, if you come from a financially struggling family, one suffering a divorce, loss of job, no good paying job or medical debt, then keeping up with the high school Joneses is quite a stressful burden to be put onto working parents. 

As the meme clearly demonstrates, even buying a week's worth of outfits will not cut it. Why? Because high school kids can't be caught dead wearing the same thing more than twice in a month. 

Holy shit, mom and dad, I wore this outfit just last month. I can't possibly wear this to school again. Everyone is going to know that we can't afford new clothes.

This teenage insanity has got to stop. 

I remember this being the only issue that dominated my life in high school which was worrying about not wearing the same thing too many times in a semester, yet now here I am as a grown ass adult and I swear I will dead-ass wear the same outfit to work for like 3 days in a row, not washing, not showering, just deodorant, some cologne and a fuck you to anyone who has a problem. I come to work to work, not to put on a fashion show. 

And, just maybe we need to quit stressing out our parents over needing hundreds and thousands of dollars in new school clothes every damn semester and school year and heed the advice that my father used to tell me. 

We go to school to learn, not put on a fashion show, if you want to be a model, drop out of school and walk the runway.

Want to rebel against this bad for the environment endless new school clothes disease that we have. Buy this shirt below. It will be the only shirt you need to wear. 



 

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5 Times Billionaires Just Said Fuck it.

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Most of us will never know what it's like to be a Billionaire because we will never even become a Hundrednaire.

So the next best thing we can do is to live vicariously through them. Though we often criticize them when they do extravagant things and spend their money like Tony Stark on cocaine.

We could only imagine how we would behave if we were to ever come across such wealth. 

But here is 5 times, Billionaire just said Fuck it. 


1. Pills that will Turn your Shit Gold 



I don't know if it's the touch of King Midas or the rot of the Billionaire ego to make you want to shit gold, but...

How much do these pills cost?

Well, more than we probably got in our wallet. Look's like we will still be shitting brown the old fashioned way. 

via GIPHY







2. My Walls are made of Exotic Cars. 





I don't know who would appreciate this more, Vin Diesel or Jay Leno. But when you decide to use an entire car to effectively make one of your walls worth more than somebody's entire house, well I believe you have succeeded at being the richest dick swinger in town. 

You are definitely in his family. 

via GIPHY






3. I Want a Dead Shark In My House for...Uhm... Reasons 




When you have reached this level of fuck-it-try, so incredibly rich that you want to stare at a dead shark all day preserved in a tank of your own billionaire cum juice,

then I think you deserve the animal-lover-of-the-year award because as fucked up as you are, you still have the moral high ground on Sea World.  


4. Hiding your Murder in Space 




Wait... Elon didn't really kill somebody, right? He didn't just launch his victim in the trunk of car into space to orbit Mars forever, right?

Just kidding. But, you know you have fuck-it,-I-am-Billionaire money when you can launch a car into space. But it's still not as impressive as launching your dick-look-alike into Space. 


5. Fabricating a Spaceship that Looks just like your Endowment 




Bezos did what? Bezos penetrated space with his rocket. The only problem was that it just wasn't big enough to get the job done.

So, technically he's still a space virgin, at least according to the international measure for where space begins. 

Looks like he's going to need to compensate for his compensate. 


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AMC - The Rise of the Apes

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For those of you who don't know, let's recap this quickly.

The pandemic happened,
Movie theaters tanked,
Hedge Funds sold naked shares short,
Online traders found out,
They bought loads of shares thinking it would squeeze like Game Stop,
It kind of did, but it didn't, 
Holders are still holding,
And may be even holding the bag
Because the market has been rigged against them 

But AMC Holders call themselves APES, and they aren't going anywhere. 

via GIPHY


So that's the short of it (no pun intended) and if you aren't privy to what is going on, you probably read that and thought to yourself... 

"What in the blue hell did I just read?"

Wait! What is going on with AMC? and Why do the people who own its shares call themselves APES? and What the hell is short selling?

Those are damn good questions which have easy or complicated answers just depending on how deep you want to go. 

But without boring those who already know, basically, when a company is headed for bankruptcy you can sell promises to sell shares at a cheaper price than what it is currently trading.


via GIPHY


Because when there is a promise to sell an asset at a cheaper rate than what it is currently trading, the promise itself becomes valuable and tradable. If the price of your asset is currently worth $10 dollars but I promise to sell the asset for $8 dollars, you can take that promise and sell it for a value of a $1.99 and still make a 1 cent profit.

If the price of the asset is extremely volatile, meaning it's moving quickly and erratically from more than $10 to less than $10 dollars, then the promise has potential to become highly valuable. 

If I own a promise that someone will sell me an asset for $8 and the current asset is currently worth $20 on the open market then I have a promise worth $12 at least.

The true value comes in the perception that the current worth of the asset will explode to $30, or $40 or $50 or $500,000 before the promise expires.

If someone ask you to live up to that promise to sell that asset at $8 and they don't actually own that asset or have the money to purchase that asset on the market for what it's worth then they have successfully sold short an asset and if they do that hundreds and thousands of times, then they, my friend, are in a real financial pickle especially if that asset is now worth 3 or 4 or 5 or 10 times the value of the promise on the open market.

And that is what has happened to AMC. And so how do you make a stock price explode? Buy it all up and wait for the demand to buy back those short positions come. 

The only problem is the buy back or the squeeze never squoze, well it hasn't squoze (yet.) 

Those holders who hold and keep buying are called the Apes, just like how Apes hoard bananas, except these Apes have diamond hands and are hoarding shares. 

via GIPHY


Squeezing is simply that the demand to buy back comes due to the expiring promises to buy, creating a demand, the Apes not selling shorten the supply and the new investors wanting to get a ticket on this Space Ship to Pluto in the form of FOMO buying causes a MOASS, mother of all short squeezes.  

But there was no squeeze and the apes have been patiently and impatiently waiting since as far back as February 2021 and now with the Delta variant on the rise and AMC theaters closing again, the battle for the Squeeze to squeeze may go on until the Summer of 2022 like any good planet of the ape sequel. 

Nobody knows when the squeeze will happen, if ever.  



via GIPHY

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The Era of Meme

 



The Era of the Meme is upon us because let's just be honest much of our conversation in the Modern Era, you know? 2021 ai? (after internet) involves replying, relaying and conveying messages, ideas and thoughts in the form of memes. 

Memes probably spread more ideas to more people and faster than any newspaper could have ever dreamed of doing back in the heyday of black and white journalism. But memes aren't here to replace journalists because memes are just vectors for faster journalism. 

Don't believe me, well, let's take a look at the kinds of memes that exist. 


THE CLASSIC MEME




The Classic Meme is in the 2 styles that we have all become most familiar with. They usually convey some idea or thought using scenes from movies or candid photos of regular people. Sometimes they say things so perfectly that it's said much better than speaking it. 

Classic Memes can also address various topics such other memes, like Stock Memes. 


STOCK MEMES






Stock memes can make you laugh while also educating you about the stock market and economy in ways we should have been taught in middle school.

The cool thing about much of the humor, it is inside humor; so if non-traders see these memes, they'll have get involved with the knowledge to get the joke.

At the very least, not understanding a joke usually piques the interest of intelligent but not yet informed individuals. 

However, if you wanna laugh traditional comic memes still exist. 



TRADITIONAL COMICS 





Comics were memes before memes ever thought of memeing on the internet. Comics, you could say, were the original memes. So of course, comics today are going to still be memes themselves. 

Comics have the ability to express an idea over time which is the next kind of meme. A time meme. 


TIME MEMES


Time memes can shows actions happening over time much like comics but what they offer is kind of a plug and play with your own ideas. 

Here are the faces and the raw emotions and scene, just put in whatever you want it to be about. But please, try to make it funny. lol 


THE INFOGRAPHIC / INFORMATIVE MEME

The informative meme can come in the form of actual graphs and charts, beautifully made infographics or sloppy screen shots and photo grabs. 

The idea is the same to spread raw data not chopped and lost in an article word-salad, but rather right dead smack in front of your face. 





















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COMPARE AND CONTRAST MEMES




These are some of my favorite memes. When either comparing cities, people, sizes, objects or colors, these kinds of memes sometimes offer us the perspective that we need such as the one illustrating how much sugar is in our everyday foods or just how much bigger thr Rock has gotten from his already insanely big physique.


REAL LIFE MOMENTS




Some memes are just based on real life moments whether that be someone doing something in the public either famous or not, or someone posting a private moment of their life and describing the feeling.  


Though this list is not exhausted, we are going to end it here. Stay tuned for Era of Meme part 2. 
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